No Excuses

"He turned everyone against me. I had no friends, no social life, no support. He got our boys to keep track of my movements and tell him what I'd been doing and who I'd talked to. I knew he'd never let me go." – Shine client (victim)

"Everything is great and I’m heaps different to the way I was. We’re really happy, and my boy is growing so well. But the scar on my partner’s arm means we’ll never totally forget what happened. She has forgiven me, but I don’t know if I’ve forgiven myself yet. If I hadn’t done the Shine programme I would probably have lost her and I’d be gutted about that." – No Excuses participant


Domestic abuse is more than physical violence. It includes any sort of intimidating or threatening behaviour that creates fear for the victim. It also includes any behaviour used by one person to control another within an intimate or family relationship. But people can change. Shine’s No Excuses programme provides this opportunity for men and women in Auckland. 

No Excuses is a positive change programme for people who have perpetrated family violence - with a group programme for men, and an individual programme for men and women. We motivate and support people to change their behaviour and help them develop the insight and skills they need to maintain respectful, non-violent relationships. 

How does No Excuses help participants? 

  •  Examines and challenges beliefs that support violence and domination 
  •  Looks at the effects that abuse has on the people who are victimised 
  •  Teaches non-controlling and non-violent alternatives. 
  • Does not judge the people who use abuse, but judges abusive behaviour and focuses on engaging with participants so that they feel comfortable to talk openly about their past behaviour 
  • Often motivates participants to change by discussing the impact of  violence and abusive behaviour on their children 

How does No Excuses work? 

  • Participants attend a one-on-one assessment which is an opportunity to engage and assess suitability for a group or individual programme 
  • Most men attend weekly group sessions for 16 weeks. Some men attend an individual programme, which may be because of issues with English, literacy, cognition, or because they are gay and therefore may not be able to speak openly in the group. Groups are facilitated by a male and a female facilitator who work as a team. All facilitators have extensive group work experience and specialist domestic abuse experience. 

What are the programme outcomes? 

  • Most participants who finish the programme come away with a better understanding of themselves and are equipped with the skills vital for a violence-free future. 
  • However, changing ingrained attitudes and behaviours is hard work and attending this programme is sometimes not enough to motivate a permanent change in behaviour. Some participants will continue their abusive behaviour or some forms of it.

If you are using abuse and violence and you want to change, please click here for more information. 


“I feel good that I know if something happens, I can go to my friend’s house. I talk to mum more about what might happen if dad comes to our house.” 11-year-old KIDshine client